The Most Insane Thing Pryo Has Ever Done
by Meyberry
Summary: Many people find the mere thought of marriage terrifying, but a select few choose to suck it up and risk it all for love. Presenting the insane, unique, and quite possibly violent Union of Wanda and Pyro: with a side of chaos. Oneshot.


_"I'm not psycho, I just like psychotic things_"- Gerard way.

To St. John Allerdyce, these words described him nearly perfectly. Perhaps one alteration was needed and this could be done by removing the not and just ,so it would sound more like:"I _am _psycho, I like psychotic things."

Ah, much better. Now this quote described him perfectly(he couldn't have said it better himself, but maybe Joann Allerdyce could have)...

But that's all besides the point. The point is St. John (also known as Pyro, Johnny-Boy, and Pyrolicious) _is _psycho, and he is about to do a very psychotic thing; get married.

Da-da dum dum da-da dum dum da-da dum, da-da _DUN DUN DUN_.

Getting married is a terrifying thing- almost as scary as watching a marathon of the smurfs, or sitting next to Toad while he clips his nails, or even losing his favorite lighter! _Gasp_!

He then proceeded to check his breast-pocket, reassuring himself that his shiny red lighter named Ruby was still there. This action made him feel a little bit better, and helped him to stop puking in his mouth_(he was sure his breath was absolutely foul by now). _Yes, all he had to do was not think about the wedding and he would be fine, but what could he think about?

...Dirty romance novels? _No, he thought way too much about those._

...Tennis? _No, rackets scared him, not to mention the fuzzy balls ..._

...What Magneto wore under his costume? _No! Scary! Scary! Old, flabby, disgusting. Ew!_

Mythbusters? _They did explode a lot of things, but the guy with a mustache gave him the creeps..._

He would have thought about fire, but it was hard to distract himself with something he thought about _constantly,_ especially when one of his mind's little voices always provided bad puns like:

_"_Burn baby burn!"

_Or._

"Drop it like it's hot!"

_Or_.

"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack _burn _over the candle stick; _Ahahahaha_!"

So he tried to move away from those thoughts, knowing that if he focused too intently on them then he would feel compelled to play with fire and burn something to a crisp. Somehow he doubted his bride-to-be would appreciate him setting something on fire on _this _day of all days. This led to another train of thought...

His fiancée in question, _Wanda_.

So pretty, so violent, so absolutely insane. He loved her only second to fire- and she was okay with that, after all there's only so much you can expect from an ADHD pyromaniac. He adored her and that was enough.

'_Wanda is so great, so amazing, and such a little sex-kitten; rawr!"_

Oh no! They're back!

With the thought of his enchanting fiancée, all thoughts of the wedding returned.

"_Married, married, married!" _a voice sang in his head. Great, now even his voices were turning on him! Can't a man find peace within the pseudo-asylum that is his mind?

_"Gonna get married, hahahaha, sucker- OW_!" One of his other voices knocked out the annoying one, sending it to the floor of his mind with a bloody nose. Pyro outwardly giggled, he couldn't help it, he _loved _violence...even when he was only fighting with himself.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to look in a full-sized mirror.

"Alright, mate. You look absolutely stunning," he said to himself, giving several model-esque poses before smoothing his hair back. He then started to give himself other sultry looks- almost to the point of doing the dirty with his own reflection, and probably would have if his best man hadn't stepped through the door.

"What are y'doing homme?" he asked, eyeballing Pyro's unzipped pants and rustled shirt,"Never mind, Remy don't want to know. Are you 'bout ready?"

Pyro gulped, he was about to get married!

"_Married, married, married,"_the voice taunted in his head, having returned to consciousness- or as conscious as a voice can be.

"Shut-up!" Pyro growled.

Gambit looked at him strangely," You're femme is gonna get pretty angry if you don't get out there soon mon ami. She's already hexing things"

Pyro looked back into the mirror, saying to himself," I am a _man_, a _manly _man, and _manly men _marry women! There is no question of masculinity. I am _man_, hear me roar!"

Gambit watched curiously as his friend began to bang his fists on his chest and then bounced on his the balls of his feet while throwing punches at imaginary things; reminiscent of Rocky. Then suddenly, appearing calm and almost normal, Pyro haulted his pep-talk, straightened out his shirt and tie and turned to Gambit. He then cleared his throat and said in an self-assured tone:

"I'm ready."

Gambit studied him, before pointing out a single flaw,"Zipper."

With a startled gasp Pyro began to fumble with his zipper. Thinking they would soon be able to leave, Gambit began to walk away when he suddenly heard a yelp from from behind him. He turned around, and said exasperatedly," What have y' done _now_?"

"_It's _stuck," he whimpered.

With a glance down Gambit understood exactly _what _was stuck, and replied,"Well hurry up and fix it."

"Will you help me?"

"What? Non! I'm not touching your..._stuff_."

Gambit may have been confident in his own sexuality, but he was definitely not going to cross that line. It was in the straight-guy handbook, you simply don't touch another guy's junk, it was _forbidden._

"Please mate,"he begged.

He shuddered and decided he would do this. If not for the sake of Pyro, then for the safety of everyone in the building because Wanda would surely destroy the place if they didn't hurry this up. Gathering up all of his courage he took a step forward and replied,"_Fine_."

* * *

Five minutes later the two men emerged from the room, one looking disgusted(guess who), while the other looked anxious. They quickly made their way up to the front of the room in which the ceremony was to take place, and waited.

They didn't have to stand idle long.

A wedding march began to play, and through two large doors walked Rogue, dressed in a simple red gown, and holding a bouquet of unlit sparklers(Pyro's idea). Wanda had decided when she first got engaged that she didn't want a 'normal' wedding and decided to add her own quirky little details, including her own dress. When she first stepped out, everyone gasped. It was rare to see Wanda in a skirt, let alone a dress, and the one she was wearing was a deep scarlet, with a corset-styled bodice, and black lace trim. Her red and black hair was curled and pinned back so that only a few strands framed her face. She too was carrying a bouquet of unlit sparklers, although hers was noticeably larger than Rogue's.

When she reached the alter, Pyro smiled, and in return she gave her own tentative smirk. When the preacher began to recite them the footholds she began to mock him, until she realized it was probably a bad idea to make fun of the man that was marrying you, especially considering how all the other ones had backed out. She had only threatened them a few times- it really wasn't _her_ fault that one of them ended up with third-degree burns, and the other two mentally unstable.

"I do," said Pyro, crying only a _little _bit.

When the officiant asked her if she would have Pyro she said," Yeah, whatever."

And they kissed...

Well, make it more like they had an impromptu make-out session that was sure to scar their guests, and lead to multiple therapy sessions.

And so Mr. and Mrs. John Allerdyce came to be.

Everyone enjoyed the reception, even her father(he considered it an honor that he only had minor flesh wounds from his daughter that day, and thought of it as progress). Soon Kitty bounded up to her, and said:

"Like Wanda, aren't going to throw the bouquet?"

Wanda snarled at the girl, and replied,"Will you shut-up if I do?"

Kitty nodded excitedly, and with aggravation Wanda stood on a small platform, turned around and tossed the bouquet. She didn't really care who got it, but couldn't resist a small peak.

_Rogue._

Her only bridesmaid had caught the bouquet, or rather it had hit her in the head and she caught it in the process. Now her friend was glaring at Gambit , as if the Cajun's own existence had made her catch it. He simply smirked in reply, seemingly delighted by the action.

"Ah am not marrying you swamp rat," Rogue claimed.

"That's what you think chérie."

Wanda suddenly realized that this day wasn't so awful after all, maybe she could even enjoy it...

Or at least that's what she thought until Kitty spoke again.

"Like, _aw_!"

"I'm going to kill you," Wanda growled," The pieces will be so small that nobody will every be able to find your body, and that way I won't ever have to hear your voice again.

Kitty froze, and then squeaked," What's that Piotr? Coming!"

She ran faster than Quicksilver.

Wanda grinned, yes, she could definitely enjoy this.

* * *

A/N: Heh... what do you think? I just thought it would be funny to write about, and I've had it written on paper for a while and decided to post it. If you see ANY typos, please tell me!


End file.
